CEO

i sit here looking gazing out the middle window. Far in the back, i see traffic racing back and forth on the ramp to 95 from MLK Blvd. techno is jamming and i have tissue shoved up my nose to catch the faucet-on-type drip of the lasting phaze of this crazed flu...which i dodged for about 2 years? so, guess this was pay up week!
so, i feel like the CEO of my own world, which can have limitless possibilities.
CEO of what? i'm not quite sure, but i feel it in my bones...like a calling. i don't care if i'm liked, yet i would like to have a few good friends/confidants. However, grateful for the current friends/roomates! and, of course, past roomates who moved onto receiving their permanent roomates.
the remote control for the A/C unit provides limitless amusement and brings about a regal satisfaction that i'm somehow special b/c i can be extremely lazy. lovin the cathedral ceilings that slant to a normal height and the spaciousness that could house a small family all in the quaint comfort of...my room.
Man...if only i was married! - side tracked thought.
somewhere out there...as i watch hundreds...thousands of people fly by my window in microscopic form.
the best is to see one of those viscious all-of-the-sudden storms from my 3 connected windows. how majestic to see over a large range of land and the great bolts of lightning so close.
i will continue to argue that life is so strange...

safe inside

got to remain within the realm.
got to hope and trust within the realm of safety and provision.
can't step out of the safe zone.
charm is sooo deceiving.
beauty is fleeting.
mans wisdom is beneath His foolishness.
i've been given so much.

alter of sacrifice
offer with joy - dead weight

whatever was my gain, i now consider loss

if i die

if i died, maybe i might be missed for a moment...then life continues as normal.
i wonder how many people think that.
And with the suicide rate being @2/week in Japan...i wonder.
everyone there that is looking for an easy, painless way out may have found it.
this is heart breaking. this is also highly disturbing.
sure, the thought passes my mind...but gotta take that bad boy captive!
that's a dangerous thought.
i wish i could say that it's not a powerful thought to the people who think it, but stories and reality would prove me wrong.
yes, life is rough and can be hauntingly sad...
but we have hope!
i could preach to you, but i'd rather you have a powerful encounter of your own.
i wish i could save the world from all the fear, pain and sadness, but it's already been done.
i wish i could bring people to that hope...
i wish i could do it where i am in baltimore, **hanover** and silver spring...wherever!!
**i wish i could bring it back to the underground**

however, knowing that i'm no longer cool and realizing that my life is not too successful - worldly speaking, and seeing how closed and self-preservant/protected-thick-skinned-wall-of-freakin-armor society has become
and the most important of them all
- i can't change anyone - AT ALL...
it's gonna take a bona-fide miracle :)
but you know what?!

I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!!!!!!!

Man, i love the internet! and a rant on gas prices, and Daniel McConnell

life can be so much easier with the internet...but it can also make you lazy and a recluse if your not too careful.
however, being that gas prices are soaring like a m*f*rrrrrr......any errand that can be done via the internet is well worth the time u take droning into the glowing screen.
However, i still love hikin' around on the 2 feet i have, while they are still good, and livin' in the city provides plenty of opportunity for it!
i feel really bad for those people that are paying over $100 for a fill up at the gas stations.
maybe that guy dan from 98rock this morning will get a new car donated to him.
and the sound of the 3 cylinder that gets @50 highway epa...oh yeah...will the sacrifice of horsepower matter compared to the hole in the wallet?
from 98 rock this morning, check out
www.danielsbigtrip.blogspot.com
Daniel McConnell
here you go, the blurb taken from 98 rocks site:
Daniel McConnell is a 30-year-old former Army helicopter pilot, who lost his right arm when his Apache Helicopter crashed in Afghanistan.
Daniel just finished his first year of medical school, so he figures it is time for an adventure. He has decided to drive across the country in a
1984 Chevy Suburban with 230,000 miles on it, to meet the people and see the country that he dedicated 11 years of his life protecting.
No agendas. Just a Veteran, his truck, a dog, and the United States.
Daniel stopped by the show on Monday on his way up North.
If you would like to keep track of Daniel's progress, and donate some money to help him with gas and food, click here.

stuck in the 90's?

so, i just found some of my old tapes from high school days.
i watched the 1992 Mtv music awards again...wow. it explains a lot about me, i think.
the other day at work, the guy i may be working with soon said that his jazz station just went off the air...so, what did i listen to on the radio?
i said i usually like 98rock. he goes,"Oh! Your a rocker!"
it never hit me until then, and then watching that videoTAPE...yes, a VHS, made it all that much more clear to me.
later, i found a tape of Pauly Shore, Pearl Jam unplugged, Nirvana, the Cure, and other Greats of the late 80's, 90's.
it's amazing that they were my heros...they were the people who i followed and learned about life from in my teen years. with no dad to help me, they were the next best thing. ugh. not ideal role models, man!
when Mtv actually played music videos and had interviews with rock stars.
no wonder i don't have any cooth or shame.
i'm perplexed about a lot of things lately.
where are these so called "hero's" now?
what's gonna happen to them?
is Kurt Cobain really dead?
i wanted to be a rock star and i set my life to attain that goal. the long haired guys...the mosh pits, the head banging...
Honus isn't even there yet, but he seems like he's real close and he's been jamming a long time...and he can rock the set!
i REALLY wasn't supposed to be a rock star. if Honus hasn't broken through yet...there would have been no hope for me!
a few gigs here, a time to party there...and now...reality and practicality set in even deeper as the next generation starts taking the baton that i've been fumbling with.
however, one thing i know...i lived the rock-n-roll lifestyle for a short blip in time. and they can't take that away from me!
now, i see that my day is over, my time has past. it's time to move on to new pastures.
it's amazing the music that tries to define a generation.
of course, we had all sorts and underground stuff, but the grunge got me...tooth and nail! hehe....dokken - remember that band! hahahahaha....
and then, the rave scene...but that's another story!
i'm getting old and i'm starting to feel old.
sooner or later, i'm going to die~

Something beautiful

So, i've been meaning to blog about this...many things actually, but this first.
the other day as i was walking on my usual route by the water i saw something that really touched me.
on the edge of the water there was this really small boned beautiful blonde girl.
she was there with a young man in a wheel chair. as i walked their way, i saw her taking care of him and just looking like she was really enjoying her time with him. when i passed them, i heard her say,"Oh! Your so cold!" and i heard the sound of a blanket being settled. my first thought was...what a beautiful young lady...she could be with anyone she probably would want to be with, and she seems to be in love with this man who may never be able to ...you know.
what a beautiful young lady outside and, seeming, inside.
seeing them was so touching!
on the way back from my long walk, i saw them just leaving the area where they were enjoying one another.
it was a few hours later.
i wanted to take a picture of them for here, but i didn't know if that would be offensive to them...or, i just didn't know what to think.
all i know is that seeing them really touched me.
i wonder...what happened? has he always been like that, or was he in an accident?
i wanted to know their story.